I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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