whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
