took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
