i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We have started to decorate penises.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
