Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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