I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
