i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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