Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
