Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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