I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
