well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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