3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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