Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Are we still banned from the library?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
