Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
