Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
