I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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