this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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