Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
