Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
