i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So much rum. So many feels.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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