oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
