i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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