I love black thongs
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
