Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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