she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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