If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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