Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
