Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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