D3 body, D1 cock
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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