If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You may now shotgun with the bride
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
