FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
