WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
