so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I seem to have left my pride at pride
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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