That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
