we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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