I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
