it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
