why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
