Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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