On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
