my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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