yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
