my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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