He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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