had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
