to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
