ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
