ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
