an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
