saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
