I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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