My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
