You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
