Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
