It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
