First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
love makes seman taste better
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
