I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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