I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
