Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
