Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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