Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize