I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
