This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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