where am i from again
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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