You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
