my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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