she kept yelling 'call me bella'
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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