well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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