Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
