the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize