What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
