No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
