I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Drake has all the answers
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
