The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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