Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
