Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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