I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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