Small penises have feelings too.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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