Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
