we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
