My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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