Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
