I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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