Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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